The Traveller Returns

3:28 a.m., I am awakened by sharp chest pains. It's all I can do to crawl out of bed and get dressed. In my mind I press the life alert button. I go outside and sit on the tongue of the trailer to wait for EMS. The sharp pains are getting worse, I feel weak, and I can barely get a breath. Leaving the doors wide open, I go back inside to lay on the bed, and wait for the ambulance.

In my mind in the distance I think I hear the sirens coming. " It won't be long now", I think to myself. Trying to stay calm as I fade in and out. My mom gets up to use the bathroom, I can see, and hear her as she passes through the hall, but I cannot speak as I try to call out!

I hear her close both doors, and begin to walk back to go to bed! In one last panic I try to gasp for air, and call out! I am laying on the bed dying! I do not have Life Alert, I did not press any button, I did not call 911, no one knows I'm in here dying!

In a miracle my mom hears my gasp for air, and comes running to my aid! She calls 911! Now I hear the sirens for real! Help is on the way!

Once in the back of the ambulance I begin to fade out. We take a corner at breakneck speed, and I hear the engine max out as we barrel down the road! 3 shots of nitroglycerin, 8 miles in 9 minutes! I let go as soon as we got to the hospital!

" This is the most comfortable bed in the world", "but your on a hospital gurney"! "Hey there is a giant cloud in here"! Suddenly I close my eyes, and I drift away. Tones, and alarms going off in the distance. " That's not for me", I say to myself.

Now I am weightless, I move without motion, with only thought without energy. I am floating in the clouds! My grandmother appears in the distance, we are walking together, floating together, I feel free!

My body is in no pain, there are no tubes or wires hooked to me. My moves only take a thought. The air around me is warm, and comfortable. Everything feels soft, and smooth.

Suddenly the cloud disappears! I am thrussed back into the hospital room! Tones, and alarms are going off, and a nurse or doctor says to me, " why don't you sit up you can breathe better".

What does she mean by 'better'? Was I even breathing at all as I stare down, and watch them cram giant needles into my arms of morphine, and nitroglycerin!

I tell my mom who is now sitting in the room to hold on to my hand so I don't float away! " How am I supposed to do that"? She asked me. "Move the chair closer to the bed", I reply. And just like that almost instantly I look up into the light in the ceiling in the room, and it opens up into the heavens. Once again I hear the tones and alarms going off. I hear, and see my mom calling out for someone, but I am drifting away. Once again I am floating in the clouds!

My body is in no pain, I am weightless. With just a thought I move effortlessly. Everything is peaceful, harmony, balanced. I love this place! This feels like home! Yes it feels like I could stay here!

Once again I am ripped away from my harmony in the clouds, and I am back in the hospital room! As I awaken my arms are reaching for the ceiling, my mom is still holding my left hand! Now people are running around, lots of commotion, pulling on me, more shots in my arms.

Now it's darker, I'm being wheeled down the hallway, there are hearts on the doors of the rooms! I see a clock on the wall, "6:28 am", I call out! " That took 3 hours", I say out loud. Once in the room I call out "Hey, there is no cloud in here"! I guess they consider that a job well done!

Hazzy yellow light enters my eyes as I slowly begin to open them. I'm in a hospital room. It is daylight. My mom sits off to my left. Buttons, and wires on my chest. IV's in both arms. Oxygen tube through my nose. I feel heavy, the bed is hard not soft, instantly I wonder why I am here! I was taken, I was called up. I was in heaven. It was the most beautiful peaceful place I have ever been.

Phone calls start coming in, friends, and love ones checking on me. My mom buys me a flower, it is very pretty. More gifts arrive, cookies made of big feet, flowers, cards, morphine.

In a room by myself it's dark out, I wake up, and suddenly feel the urge to talk to a priest. I call for my nurse, he seems very upset! " Is there anything going on I should know about"? " No I feel fine I just wanna talk to somebody". He goes off to summon clergy.

Pastor Thad was a shorter man, A bit large in the belly, peaceful. His Bible was large, and floppy, there were pages sticking out, and notes everywhere. He opened the Bible to Psalms 102. A prayer of the afflicted as he pours out his heart to the Lord. " Hear my cry o Lord, do not turn away from me in my darkest hour". It goes on to tell of a man who is withering away, his enemies approach from all sides, his time is near, but he is concerned about Zion. Pastor Thad prays for me. I feel peaceful.

Light outside, another day, My mom is here, She seems to be here a lot. My right leg is shaking, The nurse runs down the hall. Someone is talking to my mom, a lady, she hands her something, pamphlets. I hear them talking about a nursing home! I don't want to go to a nursing home! I want to go home!

My right shoulder is black, and blue. It had been popped out of the socket for a couple days. They must have reset it while I was sleeping. It hurts now! It probably happened when they picked me up off my bed to put me on the cart. But I was out of it, and I do not remember getting in the ambulance!

Enter the roommates...

Jose was the first to respond to the ad. From Orlando by way of family problems, and a Greyhound bus that never will have a return ticket for him. His heart was golden, a gentle man who would help if he could, and generally cared about my well being. Alcohol consumed my friend Hose to the point where I would find myself from the wheelchair arguing with a grown man over matters of rent payment, and fixing a flat tire on my van he used to go to work, and to the bar. But he was so kind, and gentle sober. He would help me to the van, load up the wheelchair, and drive me where ever I needed to go. He helped like it was his duty, his inner driving purpose, to make sure I got a good bath, a meal, mentally anguishing argument at 3 am.

Clarice came, and went, but Jose stayed. A poor southern woman lost in a city she felt were full of bigots, liars, and clansmen. I tried to ease her troubled mind, but she stole my broken tooth from my desk in my room on her way out. She got into my meds, spent way to much time talking way to 'black southern proudly' on the phone with some pretty disturbing screaming matches. I only heard one side of course, till the end when the phone was thrown. I could here it from my bedroom, thud, I knew it was the phone, 'my phone'. How could this woman be so hateful, and mean spirited? One thing I knew for certain, she had to get out of the house!

Eager to fill her room was a trio of the finest individuals that ever shared a room, a bed, a joint, a toothbrush! Shawn, Julie, and Robert, "Third times a charm", he said to me as he entered the house. 'Big mistake', I thought, but I was lonely more than anything, and also needed help paying the bills. Robert was mad at the World cause he lost his son in a custody battle. He got in a fight with another roommate at the other house we shared, and got arrested that night. My life was threatened by his father if I did not put my house up as collateral to bail out his son who I found out had a lengthy criminal record.

The second time Robert moved in with me Shawn was already living there. Those two hit it off right away, and they would work on odd jobs together. The old man forgotten by the World, and the young man refusing to let himself flourish. Alcohol, drugs, self abuse, internal rage. I loved them both as brothers for I could see in them the peaceful calm when the seas were smooth, and the Sun shined brightly overhead. The drinking got too much, the violence, the rage. Robert tried to move in his ex wife with whom there was a no contact restraining order against him along with his young son one day while I was at rehab. Shawn had got arrested for stalking an ex, then moved another ex in with him who had just got out of jail herself. It was all I could take! I had to clear the house out again!

In the new house I thought things would be different, calmer, more respectful. I told them to get a storage unit for their stuff, and only move in a small amount of items since all three of them would be sharing the same room! Instead truckload after truckload they filled my house with their stuff. Boxes and trash bags, old computers, furniture, in the garage stacked to the ceiling, in the living room stacked to the ceiling! Now five people staying at the house, a two bedroom house, the front porch walkway lined with their things. They would sit outside, and smoke, and drink all day. I had visiting nurses, home health aids, and physical therapists coming all day everyday to help me recover from my massive heart attack. It was embarrassing to see the young girl stumble through the house, drunk at noon. Soon Robert got a new girlfriend, she would dress him up, put make up on him, and make him look like a barbie doll.

Soon along with Hose they were all out partying together, not paying rent, making big messes in the kitchen without cleaning up after themselves. All the while I was painfully trying to walk again, get out of the wheelchair, use my boat. They used me, tore up my van, left the house a mess. I had to clear the house again! My sanity was very important to me, and the bills were coming due. I was not going to support this group of knuckleheads! Three of the five had pending court cases, I had my own battles with my old landlord who had me falsely arrested, and held in jail for 12 days on a $150,250 bond! I no sooner got out of jail before I had my second heart attack, probably had something to do with the gravity, and stress of the situation, plus I was not getting all of my meds while I was in jail.

One night while they were all out drinking from my electric wheelchair I rode to Walmart, bought new locks, changed them, and drug as much of their stuff as I could out of the back bedroom, and Hose's room to the curb, or bushes in front of the house. It was painful, it took more energy than I had, but I had to press on. Box after box, odds and ends, nic nacks, a big commercial coffee pot, it all had to get out of my house! I worked quickly, frantically, I did not want to face drunk mean spirits in the midst of this endeavor. The wheelchair worked perfectly, in, and out of the house, item after item, clearing out their rooms as best I could, leaving nothing for them to come back into the house for. Some of Roberts stuff was mixed with my stuff, so I drug it into my room to sort through later, I would never get that chance.

Around 3am someone tried to put their keys in the door, and of course it did not open. They began beating on the door, screaming at me. Slowly, or quickly one way, or the other they realized the game was over! They had been evicted, and were no longer going to destroy my life. The police came, yelling at me! "Do you want to go back to jail?" the officers screamed at me. "You are letting them steal my stuff!" I yelled back at him! Two officers now, trying to tag team me, one in front leaning down yelling at me, the other standing behind the wheelchair watching. I screamed back at him, "I want to talk to a supervisor, you are letting them steal my stuff!" Instead they made me watch as one at a time the liars, and thieves were allowed to take whatever they told the officers was theirs with no checks, or brake pedals. "If we ever get a roommate disturbance call from you again you are going to jail!", the officer yelled at me before he left.

The Traveller Returns

Thursday, July 14, 2016

Sunday, December 9, 2012

The Traveler Returns